A man's trust in a woman. How do men feel a woman's trust? Trust between a man and a woman: the psychology of relationships Do you want a worthy man? Then remember this phrase: “you are a smart man”

Why do some couples have trust in their relationships and others do not? Some live in perfect harmony, while others are constantly finding out something, “testing feelings,” spying on each other, being jealous...

The thing is that people quite often have certain special requirements for relationships. Many people think that there is some kind of standard and they keep some kind of list in their heads of what should happen for a relationship to be considered ideal. And God forbid, your loved one or loved one does something wrong. Suspicions immediately begin: “You don’t love me,” “You have someone else,” and so on.

Suspicion arises out of fear. Fear that he doesn’t love, that he doesn’t appreciate... And then a person begins to need proof of love: “gives flowers”, “cooks borscht”...

Where does fear come from?

Where does fear come from in relationships?

The cause of 90% of any fear is uncertainty. Fear is a derivative of uncertainty. Often people talk about everything, but not about the most important things. Many people avoid talking about their feelings, experiences, and aspirations.

As a result, people live nearby but don't really know anything about each other. They cannot predict each other’s behavior, which leads to doubts and fears.

Fiction describes that it is happiness to discover something new in a loved one. In fact, such discoveries arouse interest, but not trust. Interest is important at the initial stage of a relationship, but not when the relationship becomes long-term. In such a situation, the “mystery” in a loved one only causes fear.

What is trust based on in a relationship?

Trust is based on certainty, predictability and stability. To better understand the basis of trust, let's move for a second from interpersonal relationships to a more understandable topic of discussion.

Which bank would you put your money in? I would venture to suggest that one that has a good reputation, a long history, with a transparent financial policy, which can provide some guarantees. The same is true in relationships.

Conditions for the emergence of trust in a relationship:

1. Don't demand trust.Some people, having barely met, already begin to pretend to be trusted. “Why don’t you tell me your PIN code for your bank card, don’t you trust me?” Any person who is asked such a question will mentally agree that he really does not trust. But he will answer depending on his nature.
   And really, why on earth should anyone trust anyone. Trust is not something that is demanded. It must be earned.
2. Transparency. The first thing that builds trust is transparency and openness. The one who has nothing to hide will never hide, and he will be the first to offer to check him. When a person begins to encrypt, it causes people to doubt his motives.
   You should feel like a solid, respectable bank that keeps information about its business open, but at the same time cares about security.
   Transparency doesn't mean sharing your secrets. Transparency is being open about your intentions, pastimes and activities.
3. Time. Building trust takes time. People are not inclined to give a lot of credit right away. At first they trust in small things, then more and more. This must be treated with understanding.
4. Affairs. No matter how beautiful the words are, it is the actions that determine the attitude towards us.
5. Reputation. If over time a person shows his best side, then trust in him grows.

If both people comply with these conditions, then trust appears in the relationship. If someone tries hard to become a trusted person, is secretive, and makes “mistakes” over time, then trust cannot be formed.

Trust in a relationship is like a tree. It does not happen that a tree immediately becomes big and strong. First it is a seed, then a sprout, then a young tree, and only then a mature tree to lean on. It needs to be watered, cared for and protected.

What can interfere with the formation of trust?

I have already written the conditions that allow you to build trust in a relationship. But what can prevent these conditions from being met? They may be hindered by dysfunctional beliefs. Let's look at one of them.

Belief - “If they love, then they must believe!”

Many people get very offended when a loved one shows some concern. How is that possible?“I’m so honest and trustworthy, they probably don’t like me if they don’t trust me!”

Deep, lasting mutual feelings are the dream of absolutely every person. All serious alliances between people, both love and friendship, are built solely on trust.

It is trust that gives relationships naturalness, allows you to feel a sense of security, confidence in your partner, and, therefore, not to be tormented by doubts. Where doubt begins, trust in a relationship dies.

Trust as a state of a person’s inner world is determined by the desire to have good relationships with other people. It is associated with openness and is focused on reciprocity - it is impossible to trust a person who is completely closed from you.

This feeling allows you to:

• To speak frankly and find understanding, thanks to which a person feels psychologically comfortable.
• Deepen relationships. From friendship, thanks to trust, true friendship turns into true friendship, and infatuation develops into love.

Why is it important to trust your partner?

During the courtship period, both the woman and the man behave differently than usual. We all try to seem better, we don’t pay attention to little things, and new feelings overshadow previous experiences.

But now the romantic period ends, and our previous life experience reminds us of itself - we begin to look more closely at our partner, trying to determine how much we can trust him.

As adults, we already understand that not everyone can be trusted, and once we are deceived, we forever remember the pain caused. But you won’t be able to build a full-fledged relationship without risk - for real intimacy, you must know your partner well, and he must know you. This is why it is important to understand what trust is in a relationship.

This is not just confidence in the actions of another person, it is an opportunity for frank communication. With trust you can:

• In the process of communication, do not suffer from guessing what your partner really wanted and how he will react to your words.
• Having quarreled, find a common language and become even closer to each other.

A high degree of sincerity allows you to interpret your partner’s actions from the best side (most actions can be interpreted in two ways) and not make mountains out of molehills.

It is the lack of trust that leads to the fact that we perceive completely harmless jokes or random missteps as an attempt to offend, we consider the absence of violent emotions to be a manifestation of indifference, and active communication with a representative of the opposite sex is a sign of betrayal.

We do not behave in the best way at such moments. As a result, life becomes unbearable and our relationships rapidly deteriorate - nothing destroys love more than jealousy and suspicion.

Where does mistrust come from?

The importance of this issue is evidenced by numerous statuses about trust in relationships. The essence of most of these statuses is that trust is the foundation of true love, but the foundation is fragile and vulnerable.

It involves honoring obligations given to someone, and these obligations may be:

• Universal, automatically implied within a given society (to be faithful, to keep promises, etc.).
• Specific, related to the individual characteristics of the partners. They are the ones who most often influence the formation of trusting relationships. People brought up in different conditions have different ideas about an ideal union; what one perceives as the norm may look like betrayal to another. At the same time, partners often do not know about each other’s expectations and, therefore, are unable to fulfill them. Deceived expectations - did not live up to trust.

In addition, distrust of people and the world in general may be associated with childhood experiences and patterns of behavior characteristic of each family - if there was no trust in the parental family, you may unconsciously perceive this as the norm.

For a trusting relationship you need:

• During communication, ask clarifying questions to understand what your partner really means.
• Be able to listen to your partner.
• Be honest about what you think.
• Try to understand your partner and accept him as he is.

How to learn to trust again?

Frustrated expectations lead to a breakdown in relationships and cause severe trauma to the injured party. “The resentment will pass, but trust will never return.”

Indeed, offense and even betrayal can be forgiven, but how to restore trust in a relationship? How can you learn to trust people again after the betrayal of your loved one?

First of all, you need to understand that this restoration process requires the participation of both partners. If only the offending party tries to restore trust:

• The offender will experience a feeling of guilt and, as a result, hidden aggression.
• The victim will experience righteous anger.

As a result, the union is doomed.

You won’t be able to earn trust back; you can only build new relationships through joint efforts. To do this you need:

• Realize that your partner is also suffering and do not hide your feelings.
• Be open to dialogue and avoid accusations and insults.
• Discuss existing relationships, explicit and implicit agreements, and changes necessary for a good relationship.

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And remember - trust does not imply absolute mutual penetration. Leave your partner his personal space, because each couple has their own ideal distance.

How can you deal with someone you can't trust? If a cart doesn't have an axle, how can you ride in it? Confucius (Kun Tzu) We often hear from friends or even from a psychologist that a relationship with a man must certainly be built on trust, and it’s hard to disagree with this. Trust is a feeling of complete calm, the absence of any doubts. Complete naturalness of the relationship. Trust is an open relationship built on confidence in the integrity and goodwill of the other person towards you. Trust knows no doubt; where doubt begins, trust dies.

Indeed, trust is the main component of a harmonious relationship, but where do you get this component? How to learn to trust each other?

In a new article on the site, we will talk about trust in relationships, how it is formed and what can be done to increase the degree of trust in a couple.

How is trust formed?

Trust in a couple: what is it?

To trust each other

At the very beginning of the relationship there are problems with trust, as a rule, no. After all, initially, when we let someone in and enter into a relationship, we give this person some credit of trust.

By the way, perhaps this is why it becomes more and more difficult to fall in love with age: we accumulate some experience in relationships, and often we no longer easily let new people in (although there are, of course, exceptions!).

Sometimes this unwillingness to trust and, as a result, let someone into your life becomes the real reason loneliness, although a person may attribute this to the lack of suitable partners.

But, be that as it may, the initial trust established during the period of falling in love does not last forever. Over time, as the relationship loses its novelty, we begin to seriously study our partner and find out how trustworthy he is.

Indeed, during the candy-bouquet period, both the man and the woman behave a little differently and try to appear better than they really are. When it ends, we become ourselves again, all our previous experience comes to the surface, which largely determines our perception of relationships.

This is a very important period when you can build truly trusting relationships, but often our past experiences get in the way. Having been burned once, we no longer want to experience pain, although we understand perfectly well that without some degree of risk, a full life and full relationships are impossible.

This is what is said in the popular aphorism “Love as if you had never been hurt.”

Why is it so important to trust each other? You could say that trust is like a prism through which we look at our lover. If the degree of trust is high, then we tend to interpret his actions from the best side and do not look for double meaning in them.

If there is no trust, then even the most innocent things can be perceived as a sign betrayal, as indifference, as an attempt to offend, etc. But simply deciding that from today, for example, you will trust and stop secretly reading your husband’s SMS and email, will not work.

Trust is something that takes time and sometimes even effort. Let's try to figure out what affects our ability and willingness to trust a loved one.

Learning to trust each other

Trust: how it is formed

To trust each other

On forums you can often find posts in the spirit of “Today I got into my husband’s phone, and there some Zhanna writes to him that she won’t be able to have lunch with him. Girls, what should I do? Really, what should I do? What if this Zhanna is her husband’s mistress?

True, she could just as well be a colleague. Everything depends, as we have already said, on trust, that is, on the very prism through which we look at the situation and the person.

Although the very fact that a person did not disdain to get into the personal correspondence of another person (even the closest one) already suggests that the prism is somewhat... dusty. But don’t immediately blame the woman for everything.

In fact, the ability and willingness to trust depend on many factors - the relationship of parents, the environment, and past experience...

For example, how psychologically close you allow your other half to be is largely determined by the kind of relationship your parents had and how much they demonstrated trust in each other.

If secrecy or regular questioning like “Where have you been and who have you been with” has been the norm, then chances are you will unknowingly carry this same relationship pattern into your marriage.

Moreover, your half may have a completely opposite idea about what degree of trust should be between spouses, to what extent a woman should participate in a man’s affairs, and what are the limits of what is permitted in the behavior of spouses.

Of course, sometimes already first date it is clear that you are not on the same path with some person, but most often such things become clear just in the “post-candy” period or already in marriage.

Another important factor is the environment, and we are not just talking about friends or relatives. This includes the information environment, the media space, which, in turn, also shapes our understanding of what relationships should be like.

You might agree that modern society has a slightly warped understanding of relationships. The ideal has become sexual liberation and emotional independence, and people who build a marriage on mutual respect and trust and remain faithful to each other are considered almost prudes.

In addition, a fashion has appeared for open relationships, and in theory it probably looks great, but in reality it often turns out that one person is satisfied with this and openly enjoys freedom, while the other silently tolerates it out of love for his partner and tries to come to terms.

It turns out to be some kind of trust game: on the one hand, there are no secrets, on the other, there is a lack of genuine intimacy and, which is also important, confidence that a loved one will not cause pain (after all, by cheating, he causes it regularly).

The formation of a “prism of trust” is also influenced by self-esteem partners. Obviously, the lower a person rates himself, the less confident he will feel in a relationship.

Perhaps this is some kind of childhood trauma, due to which a person has a strong conviction that he is unworthy of love and cannot be the only one for someone. Often this is what lies behind the manic need to control a partner, read his SMS and email, and arrange various checks.

Thus, it turns out that trust and the degree of emotional intimacy in a couple depend not only on how much you love and how much you want to trust.

Psychology of relationships: learning to trust!

To trust each other

If you feel that you are not as close to your partner as you would like, then this is first of all a reason to understand yourself. But you shouldn’t go to extremes and take ALL responsibility, because a relationship is an INTERACTION, and it always involves two people.

This is a banality, but it is important to remember this and not constantly torment yourself with questions “What am I doing wrong?”, and also not try to artificially build relationships according to some of your own templates.

It is difficult to derive any general rules for all situations at once, because in each couple everything is very individual, and, as we have shown, completely different things can affect the degree of trust.

To begin with, you can try to analyze and understand what exactly prevents you from completely trusting your partner. Are there real reasons for this or are your suspicions more related to some past negative experience?

Yes, of course, sometimes suspicions are justified, but this is not a reason to suspect everyone and everything as a precaution. Trusting means taking the risk of opening up yourself, becoming more defenseless, and, perhaps, this is the only way to achieve true intimacy.

The degree of mutual understanding is largely influenced by how well you understand each other's emotions. After all, the same behavior can be interpreted in completely different ways, so sometimes you need to voice your emotions and unobtrusively ask your partner to do the same.

For example, if you are asked, “Are you in a bad mood? Something happened,” the worst answer is “Yes, everything is fine.” If you are bothered troubles at work, then talk about it (without going into details), don’t keep it to yourself, making your partner think that he is to blame for your bad mood.

Of course, more often it happens that it is the man who brushes it off with the phrase “Yes, everything is fine,” and in such a situation there is no need to put pressure. All you can do is show that you are ready to listen and accept him at any time without judging him.

You also need to remember that trust is not an absolute and total interpenetration in each other’s lives. It is not at all necessary to tell absolutely everything about, for example, your relationship with mother and turn your revelations into whining. Such “trust” will only ruin the relationship.

In addition, no matter how close you are, both you and your loved one should have personal space, and you should not forcefully try to invade it. Yes, there are couples where two people are so open to each other that they can trust each other with ICQ passwords.

In this article, we’ll talk about what a serious relationship between a man and a woman is built on.

Serious relationships between men and women are built, of course, on trust.

Without trust = a serious relationship is a priori, in principle, impossible!

Trust = this is the foundation on which relationships are built. House = without a foundation (proper foundation) = impossible to build, it will fall apart, the same is true in relationships with a man and a woman.

If you don’t trust your partner = sooner or later = everything will fall apart (destroy), because relationships with fear, anxiety, worries, stress, pain, quarrels, etc. will not last long.

What is trust and its absence?

Trust knows no doubt; where doubt begins, trust dies.

This is what trust in a partner is (the absence of doubts) and this is what the lack of trust is (the presence of doubts). Trust in a relationship must be complete and mutual. If this is not the case, one of the partners does not have trust = there are nagging doubts, etc. - there will be no serious relationship (without solving this problem), such a relationship will have no future, it will be doomed to failure.

So what is the solution in this situation? In my opinion, there are 2 ways to solve the problem:

• 1st, build trust (if it has been lost) with your partner. (difficult, but possible, and if it’s worth it (it makes sense, more details in the article:) - it really needs to be done, both partners, relationships are work!).
• 2nd, separate and don’t suffer. (easy, simple, know comments, nothing to even say here).

Ask yourself, do you trust your partner? If not, can you trust him(hey) again?

If your answer is “no,” then the most correct thing to do would be to end this relationship and not complicate each other’s lives by wasting priceless time, energy, and other resources on all this, making each other more unhappy.

The point of a relationship is to make each other stronger. I talked about this in more detail in the article: If this is not the case, then the relationship is meaningless.

Sooner or later = without complete trust = the end will come anyway, couples separate, so why waste time, the main resource in the life of any person? Why suffer, make each other more unhappy, postpone this moment? I had a girl in whom I lost trust after her joke.

I still don't know if it was a joke or not (love is blinding), but it was imprinted on my brain = very, very strongly, to the point that it would be very difficult for me to start trusting hey again.

But. However, in my case, it would be possible to try to figure out everything and fix it (but not exactly, no).

Only you yourself know the answer to the question - whether you can trust him again or not, because each case is individual and we are all, in principle, individual individuals. Understand?

If it’s definitely “no,” then there’s only one way out, just move on without torturing yourself and your partner.

But, if you still have doubts, and your answer, perhaps, maybe, etc. = then, in order to renew trust = the daily desired work of both partners in this direction will be required.

Relationships are constant work between two partners. This is work. Job. And once again work. Daily. And not only in terms of trust, but also many other components that we are not talking about now...

If this work does not exist, then, alas, there will not be harmonious, integral, correct relationships.

To try to regain your partner’s trust, first of all, you need to sit down and discuss everything with your partner in as much detail as possible, all your doubts, thoughts, fears, complaints, etc. towards your partner in a sincere and honest manner. Complete sincerity, freedom and honesty are important. Without this nothing will work.

P.S. Trust is closely related to honesty, sincerity and integrity.

And it is extremely important to do this, and not avoid it, thinking that everything will pass/be forgotten. No! The longer everything drags on, the longer everything is kept inside = the more “feces” then come out.

All doubts, fears, insecurities, etc. need to be told to your partner. Tell him (hey) what you don’t like in your relationship, in her (him), tell him where you feel discomfort, displeasure, and so on. You need to discuss and express absolutely everything to each other at all times, throughout the development of your relationship - and not on “holidays” (when things have already boiled over).

In our case, regarding trust, you need to open up completely and lay it all out. Feelings and all your emotions = without being shy, without fear, without holding back ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!

All fears, actions, actions, claims, problems, desires, etc., etc. everything you want = needs to be discussed. Everything from start to finish in one sitting. And after all this, we need to create a concrete plan of joint action together and start working with each other, together, starting to develop trust, how? => getting rid of all these doubts, fears, problems, claims and other components together.

Learn to trust each other, learn to admit your mistakes, learn to take blame (responsibility), in my understanding, this means that you need to be ready to correct what happened through your fault, learn to forgive/ask for forgiveness, repent, learn to seek compromises , learn to talk (communicate) with each other (where, how, with whom, when, calls/sms, complete openness, full access), you need to be completely sincere and honest with each other. All “this” is yours = joint actions.

Why are they important? Because when work (actions, actions) take place in an organized manner TOGETHER (with each other) = the report (that same connection) is also established (the connection is established through joint actions) = which means trust is also established. Report (communication) = trust. Remember this like our father.

And of course, don’t forget about the expression “patience and work = grind.” If you really both want to be with each other = if you want = a strong, happy, harmonious, holistic relationship = then work on it = with each other, together, every single day and you will be rewarded according to your merits. That's all for me.

But the best thing is to prevent a loss of trust in principle, then you won’t have to solve the problem. However, everyone makes mistakes, according to rumors even Robots =) the topic was very close to me today...

Congratulations, administrator.